Team 99
by Alex the W
Summary: Self-Insert Fanfic. If you like or don't like please tell me either by PM or review and tell me why. I'll try to improve it. Thank you.
1. Prologue

**Authors note: Alex the W is the writer of this Fanfic. naWolfle says he helped beta-read this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Naruto series.**

**Prologue**

The last thing I remembered was being hit by a massive car, I mean really massive, like oh my god you would not believe the size of this car, actually in retrospect it might not have been that big. I think the car might have been green or red, I don't remember it very well, I mean I didn't expect to be hit by a car and 'live' to write a book about it.

Enough about the car. What happened next was that I woke up in a bright white room. And as I felt the harsh wind/air force itself into my lungs I began to cry. I didn't know why, but it felt like that was the first time I had ever breathed at all. My body felt extremely weak as I struggled to move anything. Even my eyes felt heavy as I looked around and I couldn't keep them open for long.

However what I did see, before succumbing to the blissful darkness of unconsciousness, were giants, huge humanoid beings, holding me up and passing me around carefully as if I was a baby. Holy fucking shit I was freaking the fuck out, I mean you would too, how often do you see giants? I couldn't make out their faces I guessed that I needed my glasses. Oh how wrong I was.

**Entry on the year 2026**

**Dear Readers,**

I have just turned 12 again, this is a story of my life so far, I was born a boy on June 6 again, life can be funny in that way, leaving a connection between this life and the past, but anyway on to the important stuff. I realised I was in Naruto, well not 'in' Naruto that would be weird, no I was in the Narutoverse at the age of 4 when I met Naruto and could think rationally again I was born into the Yamanaka family of Konoha. My parents named me Akito. I like my name, but I miss my old one. I mean wouldn't you miss your name if someone changed it.

Anyway here's a brief description of my childhood at the age of 1 my parents 'introduced' me to Ino Yamanaka - by introduce I mean we were put in the same room and played together. You probably know that she is the daughter of the head of the Yamanaka clan. Well I am not from the 'main family'. So it is meant to be an 'honor' to be friends with her. Anyway I always thought she was a tsundere. She was my best-friend for most of my childhood, but at the age of 4 the day after my birthday, when I went to the park nearby, I saw someone, someone with bright blonde hair. He was wearing a dirty, orange jumpsuit and was sitting in the trash wearing a melancholy veil, not something I was used to since I was reborn here. Then I realised: it's Naruto, the Naruto Uzumaki!

That's when something clicked inside my head and I remembered my past I quickly sprinted towards him. He didn't seem to see me as he stared off into the distance. When I reached him he definitely noticed me, but only because I crashed into him. His eyes were wide open in shock. I moved my mouth in an attempt to form words with my mouth, but I was too flustered and embarrassed that all I could get out was "asdegijklooza xracuvebunmre quwertyuiop". After the eternity of a second that passed, he meekly asked, "Could you get off me please?".

That's when I noticed the position we were in. I was on top of him with my right leg in between his and almost caressing his… I swear, no homo. My left leg lay next to his right like a couple resting after a night of hot love making. My right hand was lying on top of his left. My left hand was right next to his cheek his adorable chubby cheek where his whiskers lay. His blue eyes stared into my brown ones, and I felt like those eyes captured a part of my heart forever... the part that gave me heart attacks.

He shortly realised what this position could be interpreted as and attempted punched me in the face. It failed though. I had already pressed myself up against him, with my chest gently lying on top of his, I could feel his heart beat quicken as I moved my mouth up against his ear and whispered "I'm sorry."

I then slowly got up not seeing a need to hurry. From our encounter, I could tell that Naruto was rather thin, unhealthily thin actually. So to apology I grabbed his hand and before he could respond, I dragged him through the village 'til we stopped outside a smallish shop/stand that was Ichiraku's ramen.

I enjoyed eating there and I knew Naruto would too. We entered the shop and Ichiraku-san saw us, greeted us and offered us some ramen, but I did not have enough money for both of us, so I first introduced Naruto to Ichiraku-san by saying, "This is my new friend Naruto-kun" Naruto seemed a bit shocked and/or surprised by this or he was still in shock about what just happened which I will never write ever again… ever, then I explained "My friend Naruto-kun is hungry and so am I and he has never had ramen before, but I do not have enough money for both of us, could you help us?." Ichiraku-san jollily replied, "But of course Akito-kun I can't have your friend here leave without trying ramen." Ichiraku-san then brought out to bowls of steaming ramen, on the house.

At that moment I thought this is the start of a beautiful friendship. Even if I had to force it.

**So yeah my first Self-Insert Fanfic. How was it? Was it good? Bad? Please tell me. If my Character becomes too OP in the future please tell me. I will change it or not. Depends if you want me too.**


	2. Chapter 1 The team forms!

**Authors note: Alex the W is the writer of this Fanfic. naWolfle says he helped beta-read this chapter, but don't believe him.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Naruto series. Nor any songs, movies, tv shows, cereal or books which I refer to. Please support the official release. (I don't own Team four star either)**

**Chapter 1**

I was super excited, it was my last day at the academy and my first day as a genin. My alarm woke me up from my fight against Orochimaru, which was just a dream, but I was still kicking his ass. After waking up I realised that it was 7 am and I was waking up in the morning, I had to be fresh, had to go downstairs. Had to get my bowl had to have… at this point in time I remembered that they don't have cereal in Konoha. Shame, I would of killed for some right now.

Soon enough I had eaten breakfast and waved goodbye to my lovely 'parents'. Did I mention, they are Yamanaka… you don't remember who they are do you!? They are like in the background of every Naruto episode ever! they have awesome mind techniques. Still don't remember? Fine, they are the guys with the pony tails! oh and its Ino's clan. Well if you want to look at technicalities it is her fathers clan.

On my way i bumped into a good friend of mine, I don't need to tell you who he is, just that had anybody else woken up in Konoha, they would befriend him to. Who wouldn't want to have the most unpredictable not-completely-a-shinobi-yet on their side.

Can you guess who the guy is?

No?

Heres a hint he's practically a orange fox on coffee with a sugar rush.

Still don't know?

It is Naruto Uzumaki, good job to you guys who got it. Now for an easy question: who am I? I'll let you think on that. I might reveal it later or I might-"Hey Akito!"-Kami Damnit! It seems since you have spoiled my plans I will reveal that I am Hououin Kyouma, mad scientist! Not really. I am simply Akito Yamanaka, Greatest Prankster of Konoha and General of the Naruto Army! Which consisted of myself and Naruto who declared himself as the Hokage of the Naruto Army.

Ever since we 'bumped' into each other _"I'm still not sure if he forgives me for that" _We've have been going to the academy together. I didn't question why he had a headband or why he was even coming along when he had failed the first part of the exam. I'd watched the series so I already knew. Didn't help him pass nor warn him about Mizuki though, it was important that he be put on a team with Sasuke and Sakura, otherwise my knowledge of the future would be pointless. I was broken from my thoughts when my prank senses started tingling. Immediately, I bounced back and just in time to avoid the bucket of paint. Naruto was glaring at me slightly. I stuck my tongue out at him.

We started talking and walking on the way to school - I mean academy - What were we talking about? Oh you know normal kid stuff. Who Naruto 'likes'. What prank to pull on Iruka sensei. Who Naruto beat up recently. Sure it was meant to be a secret but Naruto didn't keep much from me.

We finally arrived at the academy. It looked like it usually did, you know great wooden red building with lots of windows and a large sign in the front with the Kanji for Fire on it. There was a flood of kids heading in as usual and it was hard to make out any familiar faces in the crowds.

But something caught my attention, in the corner of my eye there was a blonde ponytail growing slightly taller than the rest of the heads. Thats right Ino Yamanaka. Since we're from the same clan and roughly the same age, we… were encouraged to be friends! What did you think I was gonna say? Yea thats right, I know what you were thinking you sick bastards. Yamanaka powers for the win!

We entered the academy and sat down for our supposedly final day. Sasuke came in and sat in the middle row right behind me. A few seconds went by before we heard a what sounded like herpes-I mean harpies, don't tell them I said that. Anyway _Pig_ and _Leaf From Pink Tree_ were struggling to get through the door, as they were pushing against each other in the doorway getting stuck for a bit.

The pink one, dun Dun DUUUUUUUUUUUUN! moved closer, dun Dun DUUUUUUN! and then tackled the chair next to Sasuke in an attempt to sit down. _Pig_ did not appreciate this and started squealing. Don't get me wrong, they seem like lovely people, I am just trying to make extended metaphor, lay of my case… dude.

While all of this was happening Naruto apparently had the brilliant idea of 'trying' to intimidate Sasuke? While he was standing close to Sasuke their faces coming closer in… damnit, I said no more writing like this. Long story short I pushed Naruto and you know what happened next. The start of many 'ship'ings between Naruto and Sasuke.

We can all determine what happens next. _Pig_ and _pink leaf_ simultaneously punch Naruto into the wall while screaming curses about stealing their 'beloveds' first kiss. As all of this was happening, I was attempting and failing in concealing the mischievous spark in my eyes - it sorta burns when that happens.

Iruka-sensei arrived and told the whole class to **"**SHUT THE FUCK UP NIGGAZ AND GET BACK TO YOUR SEATS!**"** obviously since I am in the world of a shonen anime, the language was a bit more polite and less colourful. Walking back to the seat next to Sakura, Naruto attempted to burn me with the flames of amaterasu from his non-existing-sharingan.

It only took a few seconds, minutes… and possibly an hour for everyone to finally settle down. Only then, did Naruto remember that he did still have to attend this class, which was not taking place in the wall. "How was the flight?" I asked Naruto. His intelligent reply was "Shut up". Iruka then started listing off the new teams or squads or whatever.

We all know how it goes, blaa blaa blaa, team seven! Naruto Happy, Sakura depressed, and then vice versa. Then the other teams that are pretty important in cannon but not to me right now so… "TEAM 99!" And no, the teams up to then were not all already in rotation, I'm surprised he could get through all the 89 other squads without taking a breath. In team 99 there is myself - the protagonist of my own life - Akito Yamanaka, the fan girl - Nariko Yamamoto, and... was this guy even in konoha? Well he is the emo, silent, sasuke wannabe - Kosuke Yamaguchi!

"Your sensei will be.. that can't be right..." Iruka started before he checked his sheet again.

"Why? What's wrong!?" I shouted bringing Iruka back to earth or whatever we called this planet, seriously, they never mention it! Iruka then mumbled something - and not many people heard what he mumbled but to me it sounded like, "Well, there goes their career" - before telling us shaking and sweating a bit that our sensei was fucking Anko Mitarashi! She isn't even a real Jonin! 'Well Fuck' I thought, 'We're fucked'.

"I hear that the merchants nowadays like to hire academy graduates" Iruka continued.

'Greeeaaat' I thought, 'Way to lighten the mood'. From somewhere behind me I heard a bang. I looked behind me and saw what looked like a person - whom I had never seen before in my life - sitting by a broken desk and it appeared that his headband was already slightly dented.

He raised his hand to ask Iruka-not-our-sensei-anymore something before geuss who arrived! Yep Anko Mitarashi herself, like they say speak of the devil and she shall come, through the window, naturally. She then called for team 99 and since we were apparently taking to long to get out of our seats she grabbed each of us and dragged us out of the room.

The way I saw it, there were two ways it would go. Either we became her minions and lost our freedom or we die. But I wasn't about to let that happen because: 1, I'm too young to die and 2, I ain't going to be no one's minion anytime soon.

She dragged us to training ground 42 also known as the forest of death, a cute name if I do say so myself. She dumped us on the ground and said "I'll be straight with you, I am supposed to test you to see if you can manage the shinobi career, but I don't particularly want to or care, so you fail."

This caused me to yell, "What!? How!? Why!? And don't answer that, it was all rhetorical!"

Nariko saw the opportunity to contribute "The idiot has a point, you can't just do this, sensei" She looked, plain as always. I mean it could have been a silhouette and you wouldn't notice the difference.

"Who are you calling an idiot, as I recall I got better than you did on the tests, you mindless fan-girl!"

"At least I don't hang out with that Narutard!" She shouted back. oh. no. she. didn't!

"Whats wrong with Naruto you plain extra!" I shouted back putting every bit of rage I could muster into those words. Which was when Kosuke had the brilliant idea of stepping in to attempt to stop the fighting. When he did I simply shouted, "Fuck off, you Sasuke wannabe!"

Nariko actually agreed with me, saying "Yeah, you will never be as cool, stop trying, it is insulting to Sasuke-kun."

I yelled back at her, "Stay out of it you mindless drone! I doubt you even have cognitive thought"

Apparently he wasn't very happy with being called a Sasuke wannabe as he said "If I may, I am not trying to imitate Sasuke, I just don't have anything to say and now I do, Anko's right in not passing us, not if we can't try to get along."

"What the hell man! You're taking her side on this! Don't you even want to be a shinobi!? Or are you just a coward pretending to be someone else who is at least trying!" I yelled back.

It's simple technique typically used to create arguments in the youtube comments, it's funny what strange talents you can apply here. "I think with my head, not my mouth you… ummm… fake Yamanaka!"

Oooooh that struck a nerve. "What?" I asked quietly continuing with, "What did you call me?"

He yelled "A fake Yamanaka! Oh, did that hurt you? I am so sorry, I didn't mean to." Here I took the apologetic tone as him mocking me. Which made me quickly introduce him to my old friend: fist! After that we started fighting for real, with weapons and kicks and fists. I believe at this point Anko started laughing.

To which, Kosuke jumped at her with a kunai aiming for her neck. His short, spiky, brick red hair trailing behind him barely restrained by a red bandana he had somehow managed to get his forehead protector on, and his red shirt and trousers billowed. Anko simply grabbed his kunai hand twisted it in such a way that he dropped the kunai and flung him against a tree where he was able to cushion the blow by applying chakra to his feet allowing him to stand on it for a few moments before landing on the ground again, all this happening within 3 seconds.

"Nice try kid, but you're years too early to try and fight me." He was making a handsign… and got an explosive seal in his face, his explosive seal if i wasn't mistaken. "Correction, decades."

Now it was my turn. I ran up to her and did the first thing that came natural - push her down and whisper seductively into her ear. In my old life my friends had always said that I was like a crazy casanova. Now I was putting those talents to "good" use. Only after I started did I realise, this is mother fucking Anko Mitarashi if I don't get this right: I might not get a second chance, at life that is. But luckily something worked as when I pulled back I am sure I saw a blush and that blush may be the only reason I am still alive.

That didn't stop her from kicking my chest so hard I could feel a rib crack slightly, where I then slammed back first on the ground. After that she put on a sadistic facade and start tossing kunai at me, forcing me to run like a chicken without a head.

Through some form of idiocy, Kosuke attacked her, again. Diving from an overhead branch with a pair of kunai facing downward. Anko simply shot snakes out of her sleeves , to which he grabbed one and tried to tarzan… of course, forgetting the concept of gravity.

He then fell head first into the ground like an ostrich and struggled to get his head out of the ground. I and Nariko - with a bit of elbow grease - pulled him out not wanting our possible teammate to die quite yet.

"She is mad, and attacking us. We're going to need to work togeth- Snake!" Kosuke stated before jumping to the side as a snake tackling the space where he was before. "You have that mind thing jutsu right?" Kosuke asked looking at me.

"Damn right I do! I ain't no fake Yamanaka!" I replied with the will-o-fire burning bright in my eyes.

"Then we have our plan, I go crazy and distract her while you hit her with the jutsu."...Then he attacked again. Spinning in the air to launch a flurry of kunai in her general direction. "Nariko, back defend Akito!"

"What kind of plan is that!" I yelled at him as he charged towards her. Mumbling curses, I started to concentrate on the target waiting for the right moment. I put my hands in the seal gathering chakra while watching Kosuke basically go berserk on Anko while she calmly threw him around. And then there is was… the moment. Kosuke had her in a slight standstill it wouldn't last for long but it was enough time for me. And then I said quietly so that only Nariko could hear me, "Here we go!" My spiky, Nara pineapple, ponytail bristled in the wind. And the next thing I knew was that I was in Anko's head... and it was messed up.

Unluckily for me Anko's curse seal was pretty angry with me being in her head. According to it, it was the only thing allowed to mess with her head. Didn't think seals had standards. Anyway it kicked me in the head out of her head giving me a massive head-ache.

Luckily for us my jutsu made Anko high - not like high in the air, no more like weed high. Because she was high, she became very hungry, and reminded me of her addiction to dango. I then pulled out the proverbial ace in the hole - Dango.

"If you let me pass, THIS may be yours, and another one for every training session" I said emphasizing the dango.

"Deal" Anko replied, hunger fully controlling her gaze directed towards the dango in my hand.

"Hey! what about us?" Nariko yelled, reminding me of the team.

"Fine" I said annoyed, before saying to Anko, "Us."

She smiled, in a creepy fashion naturally, "All right, but I still have to test you then." She threw a kunai in between us. "You got a minute to stab a teammate!"

I immediately moved to take the kunai and stab myself in the hand, before I realised Kosuke had stabbed his leg. "Kami damn it! Kosuke you just had to ruin my self sacrificing moment!"

"I ruined it!" He shouted, then pointed a finger at me accusingly "I stabbed first!"

"Nu uh dude! You definitely stabbed after me!" I shouted back.

"Impossible, I used my own kunai which I was already carrying in my hand, you picked one up and then stabbed." He refuted.

"Well he does make a good point Akito" Nariko said to me.

"Fine." I said giving up on the argument, they didn't need the truth anyway.

Anko, again, was laughing.

'Oh Hell No!' I thought, 'I just got stabbed! albeit by myself, but still stabbed!'

"I didn't think you'd actually do it!" Anko said still laughing her figurative head off. "I was just kidding... and you took me seriously!"

At that moment, Kosuke and I made eye contact, there was only one plan left. "Fine then!" I bellowed - while in my head epic music was playing - I then continued with, "If you don't pass us… We'llSayYouTouchedNariko."

"What?" Anko yelled, her face was priceless, clearly confused or scared. Nariko just looked confused.

"Yes, in five seconds she'll scream." Kosuke said, looking at Nariko, Who then was smacked by realisation, blushed and then nodded fervently.

"Five!" I shouted.

"Four" Kosuke droned

"Three" Nariko squeaked.

"Two" the winds whispered.

"ON-!" We yelled together and Nariko took a big breath

"Okay!" she snapped "Team 99, you pass."

"Yahoooooooo!" We yelled in enthusiasm.

"I still hate you, and you!" she pointed at me "are still going to buy me dango."

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><p>A.N. ITS ALIVE!<p>

Please review the chapter and tell me what you think.

And here is an OMAKE!

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><p>"I still hate you, and you!" she pointed at me "are still going to buy me dango."<p>

"Okay!" I shouted still happy about passing. "It'll be a date!"

She just yelled in frustration and dragged me away to the dango shop.

At the dango shop Anko and I were sitting across from each other as I stared lustfully at her as she furiously ate her dangos. I then came up with the brilliant idea of making a fast food chain like Mc*******, but that would be copyright, so how bout Instant the fast food chain!

She then looked up from her food in to my eyes and I got lost in them for what felt like an eternity and I just couldn't take it anymore! I pulled up close to her face and drew my lips close to her giving her a quick peck on the lips, before whispering "see you next time" seductively in her ear. I then ran from the table as she threw dango stick after dango stick at me. While running I gave the owner enough money for the amount she ate.

At our next team meeting, Kosuke said only one thing, "does this mean you support pedophilia?"

"If it's me and her anything goes" I said lovingly before sighing.

A.N. REVIEW! please. Anyway Bye! Flame reasonably.


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